flamingokesh's Xanga

Happy Halloween

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 15:16:40 GMT

Happy Halloween, folks! I must say Halloween is much more fun when you have little children to spend it with. Due to the fact that Halloween was on a Saturday this year, I got to celebrate the day with my little students in group class. We got dressed up, listened to creepy pieces like "Dance of the Goblins, and "Danse Macabre," and watched Fantasia (Night on Bald Mountain).

Here are my little ones- the Pre-Twinklers. They were pretty freaked out by each other in costume. Ha ha!

Here are my boyz- the early book 1s! I think the fake muscles on these costumes are hilarious, and it sure did help their posture!!!

My mid-book-1ers. Best costume of the day- Edward Scissorhands. Try playing violin with 10 in. aluminum foil fingernails!

My early-book-2ers. My butterfly twin was in this class, and little Vincent the storm trooper, covered from head to toe!

My late-book-2ers. No, they are not rolling their eyes, they are watching their fingerings very, very closely...

After a very sucessful and FUN day of group classes, I headed home and got ready for Jeremy's and my Halloween party.

Our pumpkins- can you tell whose is whose?! Ha ha.

Jeremy, dressed up as a dragon tamer, helping me get ready for the party.

mulled cider- YUM!

The food is ready- we are ready to party!

And finally- the winner of our halloween contest- a little garden gnome with his mommy, the toadstool.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:28:07 GMT

I got together with a good friend for breakfast yesterday. As our conversations often do, we wound up talking about theology, interpretation of scripture, and our churches. She knows about difficult events in our church, and I updated her on the most recent events of finding mediators to conduct interviews and help with the healing process. Then she asked me point blank, "is the foundation of your church rooted in 'sola scriptura'?" ... And I realized the answer to that question is most likely "no." Sola scriptura- scripture alone, inerrant authority, the necessary link to salvation and holiness. So what is the foundation of our church if not scripture? From my perception it seems to be missions. Feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, discipling one another in community... we respect and follow scripture, but it isn't necessarily the central focus. We have noble pursuits but is it enough?
And that is the question that I am left with. I have gotten the majority of my theological education from an evangelical perspective, I have church roots in the holiness movement, my first profound moments of faith at a young age came from a separatist, Mennonite background. I have deep respect for scripture being the foundation of one's life, and I desire that in my own life... yet what if I am most profoundly fed at a church that doesn't hold that view as closely as other denominations. Where does that leave me?

On a completely unrelated note I have discovered yet another reason why marriage, and particularly my marriage to Jeremy, is wonderful. After growing up in a house where the thermostat was kept and a chilly 62 degrees throughout the winter, I can now set the thermostat at 72 and stay toasty warm, and my hubby loves it just as much as I do! I'm in love!!! We don't go bowling, we don't go to the movies, our entertainment is to not freeze our buns off during the winter.

I can't ignore it anymore

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:13:53 GMT

There are some issues that I just can't seem to get away from. One is homosexuality, another is health care. I remember Bill Clinton working (trying to work?) on health care back in c. 1993; these are some of my earliest memories of politics, and I am sure that health care has been an issue long before that.
Well now health care is the primary topic in Washington yet again, and it has been one of the primary topics in our church in recent weeks. Our church decided yesterday to adopt the "Corinthian Plan," a plan that will decrease the health benefits for our pastors, yet allow other Mennonite pastors in the nation (who come from small congregations that can't provide benefits) to receive health care. As we voted on this issue I had a slight hesitation- I wanted to protect our pastors and their families- I want them to receive the best care there is. But isn't it worth the small sacrifice to ensure that other humans will also get necessary care?
I am reminded of this all too keenly in my own life. I am one of the forgotten numbers in Washington. I am a recent college graduate, I am working in a professional job, I am doing the work that I was trained to do, yet my employer does not provide health care by conveniently allowing us to work a maximum of 39 hours a week instead of the full-time 40. So when I started my job I was left floundering, searching for an independent provider. Thankfully I had not had any medical conditions in the past three years, or else I would have been denied. I had been on a medication for one month, though, which I was no longer on, but it raised my premium by $20 a month. Here I was, an early twenty-something, paying almost $150 a month for "health care" which came with a $3,000 deductable and didn't cover prescriptions or doctors visits... I take that back, they covered 55 cents of a $120 doctor visit. This is a reality for a lot of people in this country. And a lot of them are not as healthy as me.
Then I got married. And all of a sudden I was joined to my husband's health care... 100% coverage of doctor's visits, substantial coverage of prescriptions, no monthly premium... Am I thankful- you bet!! But oh my goodness, the unfairness of it all. What about those people out there who don't marry, or who don't marry someone who has a good plan, or any plan at all? It frustrates me to no end that I am the same exact person I was 6 months ago- same job, same health issues... the only thing that has changed is my marital status, and that has made all the difference in my health care.

I was reminded of this most acutely a few weeks ago. I was in rural NY with my husband and my parents, vacationing in my great-uncle's cottage on a lake in the woods. A few days into the trip my arms started to ache, and then it traveled to my legs and my back and my neck... as soon as I got home I went to the doctor. My symptoms were extreme- I couldn't hold anything, couldn't move my thumbs, couldn't turn the key in my car... So the doctor did blood work, and more blood work, and more blood work. The results were "inconclusive," so she chalked it up to a virus I may have caught in the woods, like Lyme disease. She didn't worry, and I didn't worry, because my symptoms gradually faded. But that week I was terrified- my health, my career, and my normal life were in jeopardy.
Two weeks later I got the bill for the blood work: $1056. The insurance covered 100%. Six months ago I would have been in debt, paying for test results that gave me the satisfaction of one word: inconclusive.

Does this country need health care reform? You bet.

Travel

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 14:01:53 GMT

I get excited about the thought of travel. I love going to new places, whether they are overseas or just a car trip away. Seeing new parts of the world gives me a better understanding of life and of God, and I think that is a beautiful thing.
Of course Jeremy and I have talked about travel, and all of the exotic places we would love to go- Egypt, Brazil, Jeremy would like to go back to Kenya, I would like to go back to Jerusalem, Hawaii, South Sakota, Seattle... but so much of it has seemed like a dream, a wishful thought.
Well, now we are doing something about it. As of last week we are setting aside 10% of our income for travel. If we make this a priority with our money, it is bound to actually happen. Of course we won't be able to go to ALL of the places we would love to see before we settle down and have a family, but we certainly will be able to go to some! Now is the time to do it, and do it we will!

Strangers?

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 15:41:21 GMT

Once I use to sing with joy and confidence:

For we are strangers no more, but members of one family;
strangers no more, but part of one humanity;
strangers no more, we're neighbors to each other now;
strangers no more, we're sisters and we're brothers now.

Now I sing with hesitant hope...

The Gift of Responsibility

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 15:47:03 GMT

Here I am, back again after less than a month... that is a new record in recent memory.
This week is the start of a new school year, and with it I am reminded of what a wonderful job I have. Not only do I get to play the instrument that I love, but I get to learn so much about life through the young children that I teach. I am not a parent, but having the experience of molding young minds is invaluable as I prepare to one day have children of my own.
I stop and think on occasion about what a huge responsibility I have. I get to see dozens of children each week... moldable, malleable, beautiful creatures who are excited about life, and filled with wonder. And then I wonder, what kind of an influence am I making on these little tykes? They don't care if I'm tired from waking up at an ungodly hour; they don't understand the stress of scheduling and punctuality, they have no husband that they are longing to get home to. It is hard to push these thoughts out of my mind... all they see is a friendly face at the door of the studio, or an impatient and tired face at the door of the studio.
Which face will I show them today?
Sometimes I fake it. I plaster on a grin that convinces them, but not the parents, that I am delighted to see them. But usually by the time they take out their 1/10 size violins and tell me some silly, yet significant to them, story about the day, I am smiling genuinely right along with them. I teach them notes and musicality, and they teach me that the secret of life is a lot simpler than I try to make it.
My boss took down all of my student posters, pictures, and drawings from the walls of my room last week in an "effort to streamline and purify the workplace." But I walked in and almost cried at the bare, white walls. Where was the valentine that Shweta made for me? What about the Jingle Bells variation that Joe wrote? How about the picture that Tish and Arushi made me for my wedding? Little trinkets on bits of pastel paper, but significant validation that I am making a difference in the lives of others.
The music director is going to get me a bulletin board for my room where I can post all of my things again in a "work appropriate manner." I'm glad. I want those cheerful drawings waiting for me when I walk into the room. Perhaps they will bring a smile to my face that I can pass along to my students when they come. I want my class to be warm and welcoming. I want my students to find joy in the art of music. But most importantly I want to nurture lifelong, meaningful relationships with other, beautiful children of God, made in His image.
What responsibility, but what a gift.

persuasion and strength in a storm of sexuality

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 02:29:22 GMT

Well I am back to my xanga. I seem to return every few months with the hope that someone out there cares to read, and with the longing that my old xanga community would come back, and share thoughts and reflections about what is going on in their lives.
There is a lot going on. With everyone, I believe.
I think that when people reach their mid-20s, they embark on a particular kind of apathy. Living is not exciting anymore. The daunting task of a lifeswork looms ahead- even if it is in an enjoyable career. Things are not new anymore, things become old hat.
In some situations, and at some times, this can be a good thing. As someone who likes control, consistency, and tradition, an every-day- in-and-out life can be appealing. But then there are dark moments when I'm afraid that I've lost the spark that keeps me going. What is the point in continuing a career, and continuing a life, if I can't find something to be excited about?
For pretty much as long as I can remember, my faith in Christ has kept me going when the going got tough. The funny thing is that now my life is pretty easy, pretty enjoyable... I am newly married to a wonderful man, I have an enjoyable job, and family and friends that love me... And yet I can't find this satisfying because the piece of the puzzle that I so desperately need is missing. I know that I have faith in the Lord, but without the Church, that faith is hard to nurture, and dare I say, hard to find in myself, underneath the mess of selfishness, frustration, exhaustion, anger, and apathy.
It began on Feb. 4, when I received a letter from my church saying that we were beginning a process of discernment regarding homosexual membership. When I read it I had such a sinking feeling in my stomach. I knew in my heart that from that point on, no matter the outcome, that things were going to be different. My safe place of spiritual growth would forever be changed. I was scared, and continued to be scared for several months, at the thought of change, at the thought of ending up on the minority side, at the thought of division within the church... so many fears.
Fear can destroy you. Fear caused me to lose my sense of worship with the community I loved. Fear caused me to distrust my pastor. The Lord, and my loved ones, helped me through this time... though research and prayer, through a time away from church, and through conversations with my pastor. In some cases I faced my fear, and allowed myself to wander to new points of perception and understanding about this issue, but my ultimate opinions remained unchanged.
Things errupted on May 31, Pentecost Sunday, which I believe by no means was a coincidence. The results were brutal and heartwrenching for everyone involved. I can say with certainty that the Holy Spirit was there in our church in a powerful way that day. I can also say with certainty that for the fourth time in my life, I felt the spiritual oppression of an evil presence. This is an indescribable feeling.
People at church have landed on both sides of the fence. The immediacy of making a decision is no longer there, and in a way this is helpful... it will give our church time to process, pray, and seek out the truth... yet in the meantime I feel like my lifeline has been cut, like we are children lost in the desert... and oh, how I long for a drink of Living Water...

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 05:09:00 GMT

Does my life stink right now? Yes. My grandfather is ill, and I am up to my ears in stress about the condo, and I found out today that we are not allowed to have our wedding pictures taken where we had wanted to, and planned to for months.
But today I talked to a good friend of mine whose husband wants to separate from her. And I had an encouraging conversation with another friend who is all smiles, yet is suffering horribly from cancer and it's treatments.

I really need to keep things in perspective.

Help me, Lord, to not let my selfish desires overwhelm the good-hearted nature and love that you have put into us as humans. Let my shortsightedness be replaced with an eye to meeting others' needs, and sharing your love with those around me.

Home

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 02:22:15 GMT

I want to build a home. I want to have a place to come back to and say to myself, "this is mine." I want to make curtains for the kitchen window and hang up my Egyptian papyrus paintings in the bedroom. I want to lay on the couch if I want. I want to wipe down the counter, and fold the linens and towels.
I don't want to be domestic, per se, I just want to be established. I want to be in a routine again. I want to have one place to call home- not three places.
I am so stressed out right now... the mortgage lender is breathing down our backs, "don't spend any money until you close... no money at all." I want to buy Jeremy's wedding band! I don't want to feel guilty about the swimsuit I bought tonight for the honeymoon. I don't want to be stingy when I go out on a Starbucks date... no more small teas, I want a medium mocha!
I want to unpack my boxes that are currently cluttering up my rented, little room. I want to put together the two bookshelves that I bought back in December for 60% off. I want to cook a meal in my kitchen that is stocked with my staples, instead of having one little cupboard packed to the brim with rice, popcorn, and coffee.
I want to be married now. I think I've waited long enough, thank you.
I feel trapped... I hope I don't explode.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 05:02:23 GMT

I'm so frustrated with the whole condo mess. People keep on promising me things, and then taking it away. An invisible person on the other end of the phone, or on the other side of a computer screen demands things- W2s, bank statements... over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. We get the pre-approval, but it isn't enough. We go through 5 underwriters who give their approval, but it isn't enough. We get the loan commitment, but it isn't enough.
I was supposed to move into the condo this week. I was supposed to live with Season. We have 6 months left to be "Miss"'s and we want to spend those months together.
But construction on our unit hasn't been started yet. And no one will give me real answers why. No one gives me ways to solve the problems, to get things moving.
We have been on pins and needles for two months now. Two frickin' months. This isn't a flippant impulse purchase. This isn't even the magnitude of purchasing a car. This is something huge, something over $100,000, something that is going to be a HOME, my home, OUR home. And no one cares to help us understand how to get to that point.

It almost isn't worth it.