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flamingokesh
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Name: Kristen
Country: United States
State: New York
Metro: Buffalo
Birthday: 7/1/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: F. Scott Fitzgerald of course!!! violin, books, writing, Tchaikovsky. artwork, thinking, talking, laughing really really hard!
Expertise: Christianity, music, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Dick Van Dyke, Frasier.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  flamingokesh, nightingalekesh
Member Since:
5/3/2004
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| Does my life stink right now? Yes. My grandfather is ill, and I am up to my ears in stress about the condo, and I found out today that we are not allowed to have our wedding pictures taken where we had wanted to, and planned to for months.
But today I talked to a good friend of mine whose husband wants to separate from her. And I had an encouraging conversation with another friend who is all smiles, yet is suffering horribly from cancer and it's treatments.
I really need to keep things in perspective.
Help me, Lord, to not let my selfish desires overwhelm the good-hearted nature and love that you have put into us as humans. Let my shortsightedness be replaced with an eye to meeting others' needs, and sharing your love with those around me.
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| HomeI want to build a home. I want to have a place to come back to and say to myself, "this is mine." I want to make curtains for the kitchen window and hang up my Egyptian papyrus paintings in the bedroom. I want to lay on the couch if I want. I want to wipe down the counter, and fold the linens and towels.
I don't want to be domestic, per se, I just want to be established. I want to be in a routine again. I want to have one place to call home- not three places.
I am so stressed out right now... the mortgage lender is breathing down our backs, "don't spend any money until you close... no money at all." I want to buy Jeremy's wedding band! I don't want to feel guilty about the swimsuit I bought tonight for the honeymoon. I don't want to be stingy when I go out on a Starbucks date... no more small teas, I want a medium mocha!
I want to unpack my boxes that are currently cluttering up my rented, little room. I want to put together the two bookshelves that I bought back in December for 60% off. I want to cook a meal in my kitchen that is stocked with my staples, instead of having one little cupboard packed to the brim with rice, popcorn, and coffee.
I want to be married now. I think I've waited long enough, thank you.
I feel trapped... I hope I don't explode.
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| I'm so frustrated with the whole condo mess. People keep on promising me things, and then taking it away. An invisible person on the other end of the phone, or on the other side of a computer screen demands things- W2s, bank statements... over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. We get the pre-approval, but it isn't enough. We go through 5 underwriters who give their approval, but it isn't enough. We get the loan commitment, but it isn't enough.
I was supposed to move into the condo this week. I was supposed to live with Season. We have 6 months left to be "Miss"'s and we want to spend those months together.
But construction on our unit hasn't been started yet. And no one will give me real answers why. No one gives me ways to solve the problems, to get things moving.
We have been on pins and needles for two months now. Two frickin' months. This isn't a flippant impulse purchase. This isn't even the magnitude of purchasing a car. This is something huge, something over $100,000, something that is going to be a HOME, my home, OUR home. And no one cares to help us understand how to get to that point.
It almost isn't worth it.
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| ChristmasI am excited about Christmas this year. I haven't been excited like this since I was much younger. The reasons for the excitement are different, though. This time I am excited by the first snowfall, by being in a warm home with a nug of mocha and Christmas music in the background. I am excited about packing up all of my things into boxes to move into a new home- my home- a home that I own. I am excited about my dad coming out for a visit, to help me with closing papers on the condo, to watch me play in a DuPage Symphony concert, to rejoice with me at the Christmas concerts and recitals of my little students. I am excited to go home to Buffalo again, the last Christmas that I will be a "Miss," the last Christmas that things will be this way, that family will be this way...
I am excited to see the face on my grandpa as he gives me a big hug and kiss and shouts, "how are ya, Sweetie?" I am excited to see my grandma as she walks up my aunt and uncle's driveway towards Christmas dinner, all bundled up in a huge coat, clinging to her "stick" (cane), and asking for about 5 hands of assistance. She's frail, she's old, she's forgetful, but my is she a trooper!
I am excited for Christmas eve. I am excited for Christmas day. I am excited for New Years... 2009... the biggest year of my life.
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| I cried yesterday. And I cried today. It felt good. My numbness is thawing- at least a little bit.
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